I've been finding it really difficult to tell people I'm leaving-- my roller derby team, people I babysit for... it has been such a struggle to write to them. It seems that other times in my life when it was this difficult to make a decision, it was because I internally did not want to make the decision-- and deciding against whatever it was turned out to be the right thing. So I wonder if that is the case this time, too.
What are you afraid of? asks the little voice in my head.
Well....
large bugs
scorpions
tarantulas
dangerous snakes
getting really sick
not being a good teacher
getting fat
hating Honduras
hating the heat
being stranded
getting killed
heights
Hmmm, none of these seem reason enough to stay behind.
Yet, there seems to be something bigger, more vague... lurking in the back of my mind like a dark storm cloud. I can't put my finger on it or call it by name, but I'm afraid of it.
For what it's worth, I got fat and lived to tell about it. The bugs, on the other hand...nah. Just have one good bedbug scare and everything else will seem irrelevant in comparison. I speak from (horrified) experience!
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