The point of a blog is to blog.
I need to censor less.
And write more.
And maybe what I'm saying is boring, or too wordy (quite likely)-- but, if nothing else, I'd like a written record of my stay here.
So, the following is actually cut and pasted from an e-mail to my mom-- but still worth sharing here. Perhaps.
I asked Mr. R today if Elias was actually slow or if he was just acting that way. Mr. R burst out laughing and feigned shock that I was calling a student stupid. Then he said that his parents asked the same question. Elias' dad had sat in his office and said that he was trying to be responsible for his son and had even punished him but his son didn't seem to learn. Someone described him as a "teddy bear" and that seems somewhat of a good description-- when he is not driving me mad with his questions. I will say something like, "Class, please take out your language notebooks." After a few moments I will look over and see Elias has not moved. "Elias, please take out your language notebook." He will nod his head and I'll turn somewhere else, only to look back and see that he hasn't made any effort to get out his notebook. So I will chew him out and he'll ask, "Miss, do we take out our workbooks or notebooks?" This is not even a good example. I can't recall the situation, just my intense annoyance at his questions. With some students (Jose Isaac!) I can tell that they are acting stupid to be annoying-- but with Elias I can't! I would just assume it is that he's slow, except sometimes it will seem like he's doing it on purpose-- like whistling several minutes after I've told the entire class not to.
Anyway, the new teacher from Nashville (TNTN... I can't remember her actual name) mentioned that it might be a learning disability and I think she's right. Here, they don't test for those things-- and I think maybe not even so much of a learning disability as an actually disability. Today really softened my heart towards him...
Yesterday I had kicked him and another student, Raul, out of class. Elias had been roughhousing with Raul and Raul got mad and squirted juice at him but it landed all over the floor. (Juice is usually sold in plastic baggies so this was more like a juice missile!) This happened as I was entering the class for the first time and I was certainly not having a food fight. So right away I sent both down to the principal's office. Neither of them are real troublemakers but I just couldn't believe or tolerate Raul's reaction. They had to pick up trash around the school while the rest of the class took a quiz (by the way, a useful punishment! The first time I've seen this. I would also like to send the kids who've given me major attitude to clean toilets! Oh man. Would that ever cure them!) So they missed the quiz. I told them they could take it during lunch today. (Recess is when most kids eat and lunch is when they play soccer. I've also noticed I'm a lot hungrier in the mornings and less so in the afternoon... probably has something to do with getting up at 5:30 most mornings!) They were fine with this yesterday, but today kept pestering me to let them take it during class. (I have two classes with them in the morning.) I asked Mr. R and he said to stand firm and give it to them during lunch. So I told them during lunch it would be-- and if they didn't find me, they would get a 0. Well Raul was right outside my last class before lunch, ready to take the quiz. He seems to take his grades seriously and like I said is not a major troublemaker. He got 100%-- it was a super easy quiz (as all of mine have been). I went to the cafeteria to get some food after that and made eye contact with Elias, but he made no effort to talk to me. I was hungry and in no mood to track him down... I decided it was his choice to not take the quiz and I was going to let him live with it. He had pestered me all that morning to take the quiz at another time-- how could he "forget" so quickly?!
Except I think he really did forget. At the end of the day, I went back to the 8th grade classroom to record Raul's grade. 8th grade still has weekly reports sent home to the parents and so I needed to write down Raul's grade so he could show his parents. While their I met Elias and asked him for his report and told him he was getting a 0. "What?! Miss, Whyyyyyy???" He was very upset about it. "Elias, I told you that if you didn't come find me at lunch to retake the quiz, that you would get a 0. I saw you in the cafeteria." "But Miss, I didn't see you!" "Yes you did, Elias." "No! Miss! I didn't see you!" (I really do believe him now, I wish I had then! Not sure if I did at the time but I think he might just have been spacey...) "Elias, I'm sorry. This is just one grade. Hopefully you'll do better next time." Finally he relinquished his grade sheet and I went about looking for a red pen to record the 0 (grades are color-coded and failing grades are marked in red). Suddenly I became aware that there was sniffling. I looked up, and Elias was sobbing. My heart melted. I went over and half-hugged him/ rubbed his back. He sort of stood there, half letting me hug him, half turning toward the board. "Elias, it's ok. It's just one quiz. If you study hard for the next one, you'll do fine." "No, Miss... my father will kill me." "No, he won't, Elias." Elias just nodded his head in protest and continued crying. I was recalling my conversation with Mr. R earlier about his father and "punishing" Elias and suddenly it all seemed clearer... Elias really wasn't being defiant... he really was just a slow teddy bear. So I crossed out the 0 and wrote "I made a mistake. Please have Elias study for his quiz on Monday." (in English... I am assuming his parents only speak Spanish) and showed Elias what I had done. He nodded his head and tried to control his crying. I would have liked to stay and talk with him some more but both our buses were leaving and I barely got on as it pulled away.
Anyway, I think I did the right thing. I know it is important to be consistent, but I also think it's important to have compassion/ show grace. And Elias, if he really is slow, deserves a lot of it-- I think the kids like to get him in trouble a lot and he doesn't realize it. I also didn't want to be responsible for any of his punishments-- I don't think beatings are rare here and I sure don't think he deserves one. Even getting sent to the principal yesterday wasn't directly his fault. (Raul was also in tears as we marched down to the office yesterday.)
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