how to love the unloveable

Please, if you have any thoughts on this, tell me!


Of all my students-- the crazy ones, the goofy ones, the ones who try to suck up to (= blandish, a new vocab word for the high school students) me and the ones who just could care less whether I appear in class or not-- there is one student who makes me the angriest.

He is in 8th grade. He is not the worst student academically-- not by a long shot. His sister is in my 10th grade class and meshes well with me and the class. But A-- A boils my blood.

His back story (which the principal filled me in on the very first day I entered his office to complain) is indeed awful. The student currently lives with his grandmother. His parents were separated at a young age. While visiting his mother in the USA, his father entered the house, shut A in the closet and murdered his mother. A heard (and likely saw) everything and was forced to witness against his father in court.

Terrible. No child should go through that.

Yet this awful past has been used continually as an excuse for his behavior today.

I am told he only responds to positive encouragement, that I need to praise him instead of yelling at him. But even this suggestion makes me angry. How am I supposed to praise a student who deliberately does everything in his power to disrupt my class?

I know that getting angry with him does not solve anything. I know my anger is wrong, that I should not take his actions personally, that I should be loving this student and finding his good qualities. I know this. But I would rather just be angry with him. It is so much easier and instinctual.






That's all. No "chicken soup for the teacher's soul" conclusion in which I tell you I found a way to incorporate this student in my classroom and now he greets me with apples and hugs. Nope. I am just tired. I feel that I have tried everything. I tried talking to him countless times. Today, I spent my entire morning recess and lunch with this student. I counseled him. I gave him the "real life" speech.
"Real life is much harder than school," I told him. "There are no second chances in life. If you disrespect your boss, you'll be fired."
His response?
"I'm going to be the boss."


And so far, he is. He is monopolizing the class and able to control the situation. And I am a haggard employee, at my wits' end but unable to quit.