Fake Poor

I've mentioned before the unpleasantness of living under "fake poverty". I view my situation as fake because I have an out-- I could run home, tail between my legs, and my parents would quite gladly accept me under their wing. They would feed and shelter me and I would not have to feel guilty about more than just the fat content of eating peanut butter. At ninety-five lempiras, peanut butter is a ridiculous luxury that I've indulged in too many times (and always suffered for it later).

Yet while my situation is artificial, it has afforded me a glimpse into the frustrations of actual poverty.

It seems I can't catch a break. A long cycle began before this past week; a repeat of the same scenario with different details subbed in.

I ran out of internet because I was watching (and following along with) exercise videos on Youtube.

I had to then pay extra for internet-- 40 lempiras a day.

Next a student stole my internet modem.

I had to pay 500 lempiras for a new modem. (It was another 500 lempiras for a month of internet, but I decided to go the per-day route in case my internet modem was found.)

The internet modem was found. The student still hasn't paid me back.

The school didn't pay all the money I was owed. (This has since been resolved.)

And now I find out that (potentially) I will be working nearly a month without pay, as today supposedly marks my last pay date.

Some words have been written and hopefully this situation will also be resolved.


These are just the broad strokes-- they don't recount the small indignities of being poor. Of feeling guilty for putting so little into the church offering. Of eating the same foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner several days in a row because only lentils and pea soup are in your price range. Of weighing which is the greater offense-- not showing up to a baby shower or attending with the only gift you can afford--clothes hangers. Even though you are legitimately poor, you realize that others automatically equate the shade of your skin with wealth and judge your actions accordingly. And you despise this fact, not for being "judged" but for leaving them with a poor impression of your country without having the opportunity to explain your circumstances.