least fave holiday

I just found out I am NOT Irish so I would like to un-celebrate all prior St Pat's days and also take back any unwarranted pinches directed towards my arms BECAUSE I AM NOT HERE TO PLAY.

Also, I've chosen to embrace my mere 338 miles away change-of-heritage (British) by reading a very sad blog tonight and crying a lot.

No wonder I like tea.

off to bed, off to a better life tomorrow.


(My grandmother's father was adopted off the orphan train and we always thought he was Irish. However. His only surviving offspring just took a DNA test... and no Irish was found. Half Brit, half Dutch-- the Dutch part would be from his mom, my great-grandfather's wife. At least I have one-quarter proof of myself. Mom and I spent a bit puzzling over this. Who are we, really? Does it matter? We didn't get full-existential but we did agree to hold off DNA testing ourselves for now.)

They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it.
For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
Death cannot kill what never dies.
-William Penn

what to say when your grandpa dies

Hello,

I am Hannah, Rhonda’s daughter and Bob’s granddaughter.

Although once in a while Grandpa would mix us up and called me Honda. He always did love cars.

Grandpa had the brightest blue eyes and wit to match. He was an upstanding man. Punctual, exact, cautious yet confident— he seemed to be at ease in any situation. This is not to say he was perfect. He did have a temper, though his grandson John seemed to witness it more than the rest of us. He also loved to talk. A lot. But he knew so much, no wonder it was difficult to stop when he got started. I was older when I learned the term “Dutch bingo”, but I had witnessed Grandpa and Uncle Marlowe in action enough to know no one else was as much a champion at connecting dots.

He had a soft side. He grew roses. I think one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life was watching him break down in tears while praying shortly after my dad and sister had died. It was hard watching adults cry, but it was hardest watching Grandpa—a man who seemed so collected at all times—be overwhelmed by grief.

I talked to a dentist last night whose practice has burned to the ground a few years ago. “How’s it going?” I asked. “Well, I’ve had no bad days since then”, he said.

Today is a good day. Grandpa lived a full life. I am grateful for Grandpa’s diligence. His faithfulness to his faith, to his family and to his community was quiet yet steadfast. He adored my grandmother and I hope to have a marriage like theirs in the future.

Grandpa Pranger is not gone. He lives on. I see him in my mom’s dedication—to everything. Between Grandpa and my mom, the apple did not fall but was practically grafted onto the tree. I see him in my own stubbornness. And I see the fruit of his life’s labor in all of you gathered here. Thank you for coming to remember with us.

First the pain, then the rising

I made up for being ten minutes late to my last counseling appointment by showing up an hour early this time. And to prove to the world/myself that I was Legit, I pulled out my laptop and started working on next week's assignment. Which was to respond to a video by Glennon Doyle about her struggles with bulimia and addiction as if I was her nurse.
Instead and in keeping with my usual rabbit holes, I wanted to know more about Glennon. How did she get her name and her Michelle Obama arms? I found out that she married the father of her child, had two more kids, found out he cheated, decided to stay, wrote a book about it and then fell in love with Abby Wambach.

Phew. What a life. Also, totally here for the Wambach crush.

Something about her strikes me as a little off, like Kristin Chenoweth taking on a role as a traveling sales(wo)man, but then she'll throw in a line about the need for intersectionality and call out white women for needing to follow WOC as leaders.


Glennon Doyle

There's more, but now I go.

God of the gaps

Neil Degrasse Tyson

I want
you to have
this,

all the beauty in my eyes, and the grace of my mouth,
all the splendor of my strength,

all the
wonder of the musk parts
of my
body,

for are we
not talking about real love, real
love? --Mirabai 

dating advice

some f-bombs, but mostly a great big truth bomb